TITLE: Agenda 21
GENRE: Dystopia Horror
I am seeking representation for my completed 70,300 word novel, Agenda 21. The United Nation’s adoption of Agenda 21 was well intentioned. But it put power in the hands of a few and the one world government changed society.
Synopsis:
“The Enforcers took Mother away today,” Maria said. And thus begins the story about the world she lives in created by Agenda 21.
In this world Citizens must walk friction boards to create energy. In exchange they are given nourishment cubes, water and grim, basic housing in fenced, guarded compounds.
The Authorities select Maria’s first partner who, along with her father, dies in a mysterious accident. She gives birth to a daughter she can never hold because the Authorities take the child to the Children’s Village. Her arms ache to hold her child. That desire drives her actions.
Her second partner, also selected by the Authorities, is a dysfunctional product of Agenda 21 and is responsible for her mother being taken away. But he tries to escape his duties at the Recycling center and is exiled to the farm co-op.
Against all odds, Maria falls in love with David, a Gatekeeper who breaks the law by picking flowers for her. Together they manipulate the system to get Maria a job as Caretaker in the Children’s Village. At last she will hold her child.
At the Village she learns the brutal, killing history of Agenda 21. She realizes no one is safe. Not her, not David and least of all her daughter. She knows they must risk their lives to escape to the other side of the fence.
Before they escape, Maria creates chaos by setting the Social Update meeting stage on fire. The chaos is a diversion and, as they slip under the fence, they hear gunshots, see the ever growing flames and smell the charred smoke.
They have escaped from one difficult society. But now they will have to face whatever or whoever is on the other side of the fence.
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ReplyDeleteSorry for the repost - I messed up my comment a bit.
ReplyDeleteThis is a no for me, sorry. Though your story does sound interesting, your hook gets lost in all these extra details.
No. This is a great synopsis, but it's not a query letter.
ReplyDeleteNo. But only because I'm done with dystopia.
ReplyDeleteNo. Reads too much like a synopsis and not enough like a query.
ReplyDeleteNo. The synopsis is solid, but lacking any sliver of hope or joy, this world seems overwhelming to spend time in.
ReplyDeleteNo. You've given a sense of activities, but not plot.
ReplyDeleteNo. Like others have said, this is a synopsis. It doesn't really sell your story.
ReplyDeleteNo. Sounds too vague for me.
ReplyDeleteNo. Vague and too much like a synopsis.
ReplyDeleteNo. Reads more like a list of plot points than a hook.
ReplyDeleteNo - although it sounds like you might have an interesting plot, this is a synopsis, not a query, and so there was nothing that hooked me.
ReplyDeleteNo. You tell too much of the story here. Leave us some mystery (unless half of the book is surviving beyond the fence, but that seems more like a sequel). Also, there's too much "telling". I want to be drawn into the story, shown why the characters do what they do, not told what drives their actions. I do like the premise, but revise a bit and shorten this.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteAs everyone said, this is a synopsis of the plot, not a summary of the important elements of the story (character, goal, obstacles, stakes...).
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ReplyDeleteNO
ReplyDeleteI stopped reading at the word synopsis. Failure to follow instructions — the agent requested a query letter.
No. I see the plot, but I don't see why I should care. What makes Maria want to hold her daughter, when (I'm assuming) that's not normal? Why are children taken away? Try to answer some questions, and make it matter.
ReplyDeleteNo. Not a query. Also this is Tea Party Conspiracy Theory, not Dystopian Horror. Like the Left Behind series, this sounds like propaganda.
ReplyDeleteNo. Seems like a detailed description of setting and synopsis rather than query. What is the main problem?
ReplyDeleteNo - as others have said, this is not a query letter.
ReplyDeleteNo. It seems as though you have an outline for your novel. To make this into a query letter, it must flow. Think about reading the back of a paperback book. Your format is more like a list of events or scenes in the story. You can fix this.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteThis is a synopsis (rightly labeled), but you need a query with a hook rather than a list of events in the story. I was confused by all the references to family and partner in rapid succession.
No. Aside from the fact, as others have said, this isn't a query, there are too many familiar elements here.
ReplyDeleteNo - as others said, this is a synopsis rather than a query. But thankfully the Miss Snark site has lots of archived posts about the essentials of query writing, so you can find the guidance you need. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteNo. It sounds too much like grimdark depressing dystpoia in which you can predict everything that goes down. Sorry, but I'm over formulaic dystopia.
ReplyDeleteNo. There are a lot of rookie mistakes here, not the least of which is that things are talked about as if we already know them. It also sounds too much like the world of The Giver.
ReplyDeleteNo - it doesn't sound unique enough. I don't have a clear idea of who the protagonist is other than a person struggling in a seemingly generic dystopian society.
ReplyDeleteI would say no. One of the difficulties of writing dystopian is making the nasty future believable. To achieve that, you need to tell us what Agenda 21 does and what plausible crisis or disaster brought it into being. Right now, it all seems too over the the top. Stolen babies! Forced labor! Nourishment cubes! You can't even pick flowers! So ground the outrageous details in a believable world and they become more poignant.
ReplyDelete